Talks of dust

Rania woke up in her bedroom, her old childhood bedroom, she almost forgot that fifteen years had passed and she was waiting for her dad to come knock at the door and tell her the breakfast is ready..

She could see him walk in singing and joking and even playing with her dolls sometimes to pull up some sort of act to get her out of her bed, he was a very creative man, a very patient one too..

It wasn’t too long until she realized that this is only part of her wished imaginations, and she knew she was all alone in that house..Everywhere she went she could hear him and see him it would just put her to smile and cry both at the same time..

That day she wanted to visit her dad for the very first time in that long time.. She called up her aunt and asked for directions to where he was buried..Her aunt offered her to come with her but Rania insisted on wanting to be completely alone..She noted down the address, thanked her aunt and hung up.

She walked back in her room got dressed, not a single line of color of the colors her father always loved to see her wear.. He always told her “Child, life and colors make a beautiful effect..Without color everything would have one taste.. One smell everything would be the same..”

That day.. Her life was one color… And it was black.. It was so black and dark one could hardly see through it anything except more darkness..

Rania left the house and went downstairs.. Waited for a cab..And started to gradually remember the yelling and hailing one has to do to get a cab..

Finally a cab pulled over and she rode and went on her way..It took her around an hour to get to where he was buried..She asked the cab to wait for her for an hour or so..

She walked slowly towards the entrance of the grave ground..She looked at his stone which was next to her mother’s..

She took a deep breath before beginning to read some Quran on both then she turned to her father’s stone..

“We have a lot to talk about and you have a lot of explaining to do mr.!” She said.. “You..You promised” her tears began to slide down her cheeks as she added “ You  told me.. Whenever you will need me..When ever there’s anything wrong,  I’d be the first to know! We always wrote letters every week!!  You know I couldn’t live without your letters or your calls!”

Her tears turned into cries “How could you do this to me? You were everything bright in my life.. You encouraged me to travel, and pursue my career and go on.. You were with me every step of the way! You refused to come and live with me because you always wanted to visit my mother! You tore me apart by leaving me in such a way! You never let me come back to stay for vacations! You always kept saying ‘I want you to succeed Rania.. I want you to reach farther than anyone.. If you come back I know you’ll stay for good even if you hate it here..But if you care to make me happy, stay where you are.. Complete the journey!’ What journey should I complete? And for who me? Who am I without you?”

She dropped to her knees and began to cry harder as she could hardly breathe..”Why do  you leave all alone! You promised me a thousand times.. You’d come and visit me.. And every time you come up with an excuse! You cheated me for fifteen years! Fifteen years of career success , studies and work! All for what?” she said..

“Oh don’t tell me you did this for me! Please not that line! I can’t take that from you, you better have a good explanation.. But what? What explanation could you give me that would keep you from me for fifteen years!” she said that while her body trembled..The pain and grief were unbearable..

“I grew in a world where only trust and love meant to me simply you.. Every word you said I trusted, every order you gave I obeyed blindly, every wish you asked for I chased the world to achieve.. Every dream you dreamt I did my best to reach out from the sky and get for you.. Only because you loved me so much and protected me so much.. And this is how you repay me? You push me away! You die alone! Without me! You don’t let me see you or hear your voice one last time.. Just one last time! I hate you so much for doing this to me! You have no idea! I .. I…” she added as she breathed heavily..

She finally crumbled to his stone.. And lay her hands on it as she gushed her heart out in each cry and tear she let out..

She raised her face looking at his stone again “What am I to do now? Move on with life? Do again as you always say.. The wheel of time will pass and life walks on? Is that what you’re going to tell me? More of your wisdom? The wisdom you cheated me with to keep me away for all that time.. Didn’t you love me? Didn’t you want to see me? If…”

She fainted and fell..

The time went by and the cab driver felt it passed the time and went down to check on her and tell that it’s time to go.. He found her laying on the ground unconscious..

He rushed back to his car and got a bottle of water.. And rushed back into the grave courtyard.. And started  to gently hit her on the face  “Miss.. Miss” he said but she wasn’t coming through yet.. he tossed some water in her face.. As she gasped and woke up..

“Where am I? Who are you? What’s this water doing on my face?” She said..

He replied “You fainted miss, you asked me to drive you here and you said you’d be an hour.. And…” but she interrupted him “Yes, Yes I remember now.. Sorry for all the trouble I gave you, can you take me home now?”She said..

“Sure no problem” he replied

She rode the cab as the driver took her home..She looked outside the window silently all along the way..

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