Could it be that I have lost the word ? The touch or inspiration that set me into the world of writing since I was about 9 years old when I realized that I liked to write down how I see things and what I feel about them?
For over two years now I feel I have perhaps lost my sense of writing, even though I am very well aware that I am no where near being a ‘Good Writer’ so to speak.
I have a lot of grammatical mistakes, I lack perhaps the depth that most people look for, I do not plan what I want to write. But I just used to write , and I enjoyed it tremendously ..It was a feeling I always waited for..That moment when I am alone with my realm of words pretty much like how I enjoy cooking , things just happen..
And two years ago it all stopped.. After being said to be by some of my friends ‘Over Productive’ to someone who hardly finds a few lines to say and just barely manages to pull a few quotes out of his box of thoughts..
At some point in my life I used to think that I would be able to help others through what I write..I never actually thought of how I would do that.. But I just let things be.. I wrote in a variety of subject in both Arabic & English..
I am the type who questions himself endlessly and trying to always find that spot in the universe where my piece of the puzzle fits.. That one place I don’t try over and over to make it fit because it looks very much like my place but in the end it’s not and I have to go on a scavenger hunt to find where I actually fit…
I was told by some people I am a gifted writer, by others that I lack a lot to be a writer.. But I kept writing.. In the hopes of achieving this dream and seeing my book on the shelf one day..And even imagine that some people will actually enjoy it..
Some actually did.. Others didn’t…Yet I still do not qualify myself on my personal grade as a good writer.. I don’t like to give myself credit that I do not feel I have rightfully earned.. I’ve seen some of my friend’s writings and I can say easily that they write better than me..
Could it be that I had some sort of oil well of writing that has run dry? or simply was very basic and couldn’t develop into something better ? But to answer that it’s not just entirely relying on just my mood for writing but as well what do I do to develop..
I am trying to find that sound.. That person that used to talk to me.. Who ever they are.. That ….I don’t know really how to describe it or even how to begin to find something that might lead me to know what it is..
But it’s gone that echo of words is not here.. The lost echo of words..